Valentine's Day, Reconsidered
My thoughts on the most hated day of the year
The 14th of February gets quite a bad rap.
Oh, you all know what I mean. Growing up in the early 2000s, the rom-com aesthetic was forced down our throats (talk about the straight agenda lol) and Valentine’s Day felt like those films come to life. It had to be perfect. A sweetheart at the door with a bouquet of roses. A grand gesture. A sweeping evening that proved your life was, in fact, cinematic.
Now, with Instagram, we are constantly shown everyone’s “perfect” relationship. Constantly. Relentlessly. February rolls around and suddenly the lovey-dovey content triples, and it becomes nearly impossible to ignore. One small day somehow expands to take over the entire emotional atmosphere of the month. For singles and non-singles alike, it can start to feel less like a celebration and more like a performance.
How did one measly day gain so much power over our collective psyche?
Well, I’ll tell you one thing: that kind of cynical, stressful Valentine’s energy is simply not welcome in the Lawson household.
From the time I was very little, Valentine’s Day was treated as something genuinely special. We would come home from our school parties to find a “heart attack” on our bedroom door and a bed filled with our favorite treats, a handwritten note, and little surprises thoughtfully placed by our parents. It was magical in the most intentional way and now at age 30, it is truly my favorite day of the year.
It was never really about the candy or the gifts, though. It was about how we were taught to love and to express love.
The one who taught me all I know? My Juj.
If you know my mom Julie, or have heard me talk about her for more than five minutes, you know she loves love. She also loves pink. Everything is pink. Hearts, cards, decorative pillows, the works. She is, quite literally, the personification of love and valentine’s joy.
But more importantly, she taught me something that has stuck with me for decades: Valentine’s Day is not about grand gestures that feel out of place in your real life. It is about spreading love. Period.
Not performative love. Not anxiety-filled love. Not even romantic love. Just loving those around us with intention.
It is a day to remind yourself how lucky you are to love and to be loved. By your friends. Your family. Your neighbors. Your coworkers. And, most importantly, yourself.
Of course, it can be romantic. We do love a grand gesture here and there. A beautiful dinner, flowers, a thoughtful gift. I am not opposed to romance. Quite the opposite. But romance should feel like an extension of your life, not a theatrical production you feel pressured to stage for one day in February.
Some of my favorite Valentine’s Days have not been candlelit restaurant evenings or elaborate plans. They have been simple. Baking something sweet. Writing little notes to friends. Calling my sweet mom. Setting the table nicely for dinner, even if it is just for me. Taking time to celebrate myself and how lucky I am.
This is the philosophy I return to every year: Love should not feel stressful. Love should not feel like a comparison game against strangers on the internet.
It should feel warm. Familiar. Intentional.
So whether you are single, dating, married, situationship-ed, or blissfully focused on yourself this year, I invite you to reclaim the day in your mind a little (Even a day late). Buy the flowers. Bake the cookies. Wear the pink. Set the table. Write the note.
Not because the calendar told you to. But because love, in all its forms, deserves to be practiced.
And truly, what could be more romantic than that?
Love you,
Spence
Love this ❤️